So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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