Porn is love you can see.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
