lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
