life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
