I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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