Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
