so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck appropriateness.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
