Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
