did you get engaged???
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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