everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
