I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
