Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
