WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
