the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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