quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
