You made me cry and you don't even care
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
