just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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