The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
