Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
