There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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