I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
