After last night, I could never be a politician.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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