So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
