Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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