You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
