Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
