sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
