Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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