bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
