I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
