i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
