For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
