i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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