I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
