Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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