It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
