You just made me feel so damn special
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
