i think my tv is drunk
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
