On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
