p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
