It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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