I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
