I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How naked do you want me to be?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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