At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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