dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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