he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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