If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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