yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
