did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
