i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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