either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think people are normalizing furries
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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