those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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