Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
