grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
