"it" just moved
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
