fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
