Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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