You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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