Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

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  (310): If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels. http://tfl.nu/zmdk
  Replies (10) Good night (1228) Bad night (1644)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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  (818): I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO. http://tfl.nu/pbw8
  Replies (15) Good night (4231) Bad night (867)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

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  (719): Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence. http://tfl.nu/tuvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4258) Bad night (1207)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.

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  (203): just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now. http://tfl.nu/42b8
  Replies (7) Good night (2790) Bad night (1005)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.

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  (281): threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud. http://tfl.nu/mjwl
  Replies (5) Good night (2475) Bad night (1032)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.

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  (512): You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually. http://tfl.nu/mnpg
  Replies (3) Good night (2409) Bad night (1354)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.

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  (303): Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize. http://tfl.nu/r92i
  Replies (20) Good night (3191) Bad night (935)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."

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  (845): Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches." http://tfl.nu/j5or
  Replies (5) Good night (2894) Bad night (826)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  being pregnant is like rehab

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  (307): being pregnant is like rehab http://tfl.nu/vkth
  Replies (8) Good night (860) Bad night (1953)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...

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  (404): STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing... http://tfl.nu/ooo5
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (1232)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.

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  (954): I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days. http://tfl.nu/jvfc
  Replies (1) Good night (1046) Bad night (713)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin

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  (312): If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin http://tfl.nu/83ln
  Replies (9) Good night (740) Bad night (1102)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.

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  (+44): I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal. http://tfl.nu/i10i
  Replies (8) Good night (1338) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"

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  (410): For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?" http://tfl.nu/u1ni
  Replies (5) Good night (1268) Bad night (422)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.

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  (205): I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/08mb
  Replies (0) Good night (209) Bad night (333)

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