Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.