Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?