There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
