I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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