i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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