Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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