just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
