I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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