he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
