I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
