i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
