i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
