Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
