Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
